Today was going to be a much different post, continuing on with being in competition with yourself; meeting my first coach and starting my powerlifting journey. However, I want this post to be real – on the off chance that it inspires someone else – every day is not roses.
I am in the middle of a self-induced stress flare, which started Monday night ish; I took a rest day Tuesday/Wed and hit the gym yesterday. Each flare is different and affects different symptoms for me, this week my pain has been through the roof – blackout blinding pain while I was trying to finish cardio.
I made it through my workout with a smile, finished chest day with the weights my coach put down for me to hit. Did I feel good about my workout? No! I felt very jaded, I hate when pain gets in the way of lifting…… or life, for that matter.
These are the moments I feel weakest, I needed help to get up the stairs in the house, help getting up from the couch, help getting ready for bed – because I couldn’t do it myself. This is not to say that I didn’t try, I did; until tears were streaming down my face because I couldn’t handle the pain of moving.
Every day is not sunshine and rainbows, I will not allow this blog to create that falsehood. I have more good days than bad, but I will not hide the bad from you. I struggle, the difference for me is that quitting is not an option, taking an additional rest day is not an option, giving up is not an option, quitting my job and disability is not an option. I am strong and have faith that these moments will pass, the longer we sit in them the harder they are to escape.
Like I said yesterday, I am not a spoonie – I am a warrior – I am brave, I am determined, I am strong and I will win this battle today.