Yesterday I took a rest day. I used to be horrible at rest days.
Training background, I used to be a runner, cardio bunny – skinny fat ginger; then about 5 years ago I found a gym. I had NO clue what I was doing there, so I started with group fitness (side note – I do not enjoy group fitness). I started with Les Mills programs, Body Pump, Grit and Body Flow but I wasn’t seeing any results or having fun…. Then I found the free weight section of the gym, still with no clue what I was doing; but I picked up some weights and watched videos on what to do with them.
All I cared about was how much I could lift.
Health check, at this time I was being tested for everything under the sun; and lifting heavy was the only way I could turn off my brain. There is something amazing that happens to you when you enter into a competition with yourself, mine being what could I do over the pain – over the sick – over the tests; you become addicted. For the first time in my life I felt strong, mentally and physically!
I think without this internal competition I started with me, I would have a much different outlook on my chronic pain and having Lupus. I am not a spoonie, but I understand the term; I consider myself a warrior. As the definition states, a warrior is a brave or experienced solider; I KNOW what my body can take – the tasks that I can accomplish in a day – the pain I will feel the next day – the fear of hurting myself more – the blood from pushing this skin sac too hard and moving into a flare. But I own it!
I look at everyday as an unlimited amount of spoons, I am no different from anyone else and I go to great lengths to hide my invisible illness; my pain isn’t your pain.
Back to the point, the free weight section of the gym…. I was focused and determined; but had no clue what I was doing….. until I met my first coach.
You are a warrior! Often my struggle is I lie to myself – I let things slide, pretend I did more than I did, or that it’s ok to not push hard. I want to get healthy for myself, and be in competition with myself – and WIN!
I completely understand that, and I’m so inspired by you when I see you pushing it every night – even when you don’t want to be there!!