Be in competition with yourself 2

Yesterday I took a rest day.  I used to be horrible at rest days.

Training background, I used to be a runner, cardio bunny – skinny fat ginger; then about 5 years ago I found a gym.  I had NO clue what I was doing there, so I started with group fitness (side note – I do not enjoy group fitness).  I started with Les Mills programs, Body Pump, Grit and Body Flow but I wasn’t seeing any results or having fun…. Then I found the free weight section of the gym, still with no clue what I was doing; but I picked up some weights and watched videos on what to do with them.

All I cared about was how much I could lift.

Health check, at this time I was being tested for everything under the sun; and lifting heavy was the only way I could turn off my brain.  There is something amazing that happens to you when you enter into a competition with yourself, mine being what could I do over the pain – over the sick – over the tests; you become addicted.  For the first time in my life I felt strong, mentally and physically!

I think without this internal competition I started with me, I would have a much different outlook on my chronic pain and having Lupus.  I am not a spoonie, but I understand the term; I consider myself a warrior.  As the definition states, a warrior is a brave or experienced solider; I KNOW what my body can take – the tasks that I can accomplish in a day – the pain I will feel the next day – the fear of hurting myself more – the blood from pushing this skin sac too hard and moving into a flare.  But I own it!

I look at everyday as an unlimited amount of spoons, I am no different from anyone else and I go to great lengths to hide my invisible illness; my pain isn’t your pain.

Back to the point, the free weight section of the gym…. I was focused and determined; but had no clue what I was doing….. until I met my first coach.

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2 thoughts on “Be in competition with yourself

  • Laura Dixson

    You are a warrior! Often my struggle is I lie to myself – I let things slide, pretend I did more than I did, or that it’s ok to not push hard. I want to get healthy for myself, and be in competition with myself – and WIN!

    • Jenn Lilly Post author

      I completely understand that, and I’m so inspired by you when I see you pushing it every night – even when you don’t want to be there!!