Don’t be mean to your body, when it is so mean to you. 1

I’ve been a skinny fat.

I’ve had issues with eating and weight control.

I’ve been a cardio bunny, lifter and a mixture of both.

I’ve been a competitor for a long time.

I’ve competed in the 84+kg category, to the 84kg and cut to the 72kg.

I’m no stranger to this weight cut/weight gain world.

I haven’t been in competition prep since last June.  I would love to say that I have been completely focused on my body development, but I haven’t.  I’ve been working through the transformation of changing sports, changing up my training, and working with my changing body.  My symptoms have been elevating at a quicker rate than expected, but I’ve learned to work with them.

I am starting comp prep for Nov now, because I am WAY to fluffy to hit a stage any time soon.  Starting comp prep, means an initial cut (for me) too see where I need to focus my attention.  The amazing thing about this is that I got to weigh myself and really see how much I’ve let my body go.

It’s rough.

It’s a smack in the face.

It’s a wow, you think you’ve been ok – but steroids (medications) and flares have made you a fluffeh bunneh.

This morning I weighed in, it was a harsh moment.  I snapped back to reality, but 187 really hit me in the face.  It made me feel worthless and out of control.  I texted L, because she always knows what to say… and boy did she this morning.

Don’t be mean to your body, when it is so mean to you.

This, this changed my life.  I’ve never thought of it this way.

This made me more determined to cut, get comp ready and hit it!  I was body shaming this skin sack today, being mean to her; hating her.  A cut isn’t bad.  A cut means putting good things into my body, watching my macros and caloric intake.

My Lupus makes my body hate me, sometimes I hate it back.  L’s comment made me think about when I was lil, and my pop would say be nice to everyone even if they are mean to you.  Even though my skin sack sometimes hate me, I am going to kill it with kindness.

Kill it with kindness.

I’m full on being kind to my body.  Be kind to the skin you are in.

My Lupus is effected by so many things, food and weight are some bog stressors.  What you put into your body will determine what you get out of your body.

Good things = less FLARES

Less FLARES = healthier happier BODY.

Part of not being a SPOONIE means owning your Lupus.  Eating right, exercising, and creating your own opportunities.  Standing in your own way of getting better.

Having a chronic illness sucks.  I’ll admit that.  But allowing it to stand in your way, use as a crutch and enable you to be unhealthy keeps the focus on it.  Allows you to continue to miss opportunities, miss life.  This morning, that’s where I was a bit – allowing myself to feel SPOONIE ish.

Then I remembered who I was, an awesome Lily.  Thank you L for reminding me that Life is for Living.