Tis the season for thankful posts, I shall honor this tradition, with a twist!
Today I am thankful for the situations that teach us who are our real friends. I recently, very recently; got hitched – James and I made the decision to have a small wedding. Small in the fact that we only wanted to invite those people who were family, or friends like family; people who have been there through our relationship and cheerlead-ed on the sidelines for us.
Those people that you know will be friends with you forever.
As Henri J.M. Nouwen said;
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, of cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
The friend who can be silent with us in an hour of grieve and bereavement, who can tolerate knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
One of those people, for me; who came – is no longer a friend.
I’ll admit I let this stress me – own me – flare me. They’d been my friend for like 10 years! How in the world! I let it devastate me and I let part of them own my wedding day. I was present for all the depressing moments, and lived in the listen – the cure – the pain; and I really thought it was recripicol.
I will not get into too much of the actuals, that’s not necessary. My wedding was still the best day of my life, and I got walk down the aisle with my dad to the Star Wars theme – to the man of my dreams.
There are, like most people, a few things that fill my non-negotiable bucket. I try to be a selfless, diligent and caring friend; much like in my job – I don’t ask anyone to do anything that I wouldn’t do myself. My wedding weekend taught me that 10 years doesn’t mean life, doesn’t have to mean friends like family – people grow apart and move to different things… different lives.
I am very good at falling into co-dependency, letting it wash over me – own me – create a world where I apologize for things that I didn’t cause and make excuses for people because I don’t want to muddy the water.
We all have this. We all want to be liked and have friends.
My dad told me once, it is better to be able to count on 1 hand the friends that will be there for you always – then have hundreds of acquaintances that are only there when it is good for them.
I have a friend that I have only known for a year n ½, S; and she is the most amazing selfless friend I could ask for… She shares in my pain, my wounds, and the silence in comfortable…. I strive to be a friend more like her.
She taught me that weekend, that a 10-year history doesn’t mean better. This year + we have grown together and shared in each other’s good times and bad.
I write this today, because these moments that teach us who is really real – happen every day. From a missed text, to a changed plan, to an ignored call – don’t hold on because you are afraid of being alone.
Stress = Flares…. Even without Lupus STRESS (can) = ALL BAD.