Yesterday I got the chance to listen to a great speaker while I was at an event, Dr. Gina – she deals with conflict in the workplace. One of the topics she was discussing really made me think.
We cannot control what pops into our heads – the good, the creepy, the bad – but we can control what sticks into our minds. We need to be aware of how we hold on to our feelings…
I absolutely, hands down; completely agree with this sentiment.
Crazy things pop into my head all day long! Like certifiably crazy – you know the negative thoughts that creep in through our thoughts as we drive to work…. Or the daydream thoughts as we stare into space. But we are in control of whether we hold on to these thoughts. I am completely, as I have mentioned before; at fault for the over thinking.
What she really made me think about was how I need to quit assuming the worst, even though it pops into my head!
Thursday night I combined phone plans with James, I know I know….. BIG STEP, right! While we were in the process of switching my phone number over and deactivating my old phone – I asked how to cancel my old acct. They said they had already done it and I would get a last bill from them that I would then submit to the new carrier. The new carrier would cover up to a certain amount of the transfer.
Instead of thinking about the good things here, saving money going forward by combining phone plans and starting a new chapter of starting a combined life together; I started to freak out. Freak out about the negatives…. The unknowns…
Why do we always freak out about the unknown?! I have an uncanny ability to immediately think about the negative in a situation. It just POPs in there…. But why?! Only I have the ability to change what sticks into my head and how I allow myself to hold onto my emotions.
So much of our thought process is dictated by our pasts; what has shaped us, who has shaped us and the feelings we had going through them. The arrogance, the abandonment, the fears, the happys, and everything else that makes us tick.
I’m an apologizer, even when it’s not my fault I assume it’s my fault. That I’ve done something wrong.
Thinking that everything is my fault = STRESS; STRESS = FLARES.
Holding on to negative feelings = STRESS; STRESS = FLARES.
Thinking I am going to be left behind again = STRESS; STRESS = FLARES.
Positive self-speak, being aware of what feelings I hold on to and changing what sticks in my head = Positive vibes; Positivity = reduction in stress = reduced flares = happy JJ.
I need to remember that I am in control of how I perceive things, feel things and react to things. Not everyone leaves, not everyone is mean, not everyone is out to get you – these negative pop-ups in our minds create extra stress that none of us need. What’s even worse is they build upon each other, creating a mountain of negative – out of a mole hill of nothing.
Don’t let the small things add up and ruin your day. It’s like SPOONIE think – planning what you can make it through today – not thinking about the endless opportunities. Give people the grace and latitude that you give yourself; don’t allow yourself to be held back.
Get out of the drawer! Get into the sun! Do you want to be better?
We are our past. But more than that, we are our future. Though the past shapes how we think and react to things; we have full control. I control my day – not my lupus, my crazy pop-ins, my chronic pain… me – I can make whatever happen today that I want to happen.
I recently had the privelidge of hearing Hal Elrod speak. He said – give yourself five minutes to be angry and then move on. Or whatever the negative emotion is – angry, sad, resentful. Set an alarm. Be as pissed or fearful as you want for five minutes, then move on. He said as you continue to practice this it you may need less time. It may eventually be 30 seconds. Or 10! I love this. I’m not great at it yet but it’s empowering. I control my emotions. I control what I hang onto!
I love this! 5 minutes then move on, I need this – I am going to give myself this timer. Sometimes I can be a wallower.