I love shoes.
I guess you could say what girl doesn’t, but I hold memories with shoes. I still have the flamingo low pro Vans I was wearing when James kissed me for the first time, in front of the otters at the zoo. Every time I wear them I think about that day.
I also have every single pair of chucks that I ever competed in, after a competition I would turn them to casual wear and buy a new pair for training.
Shoes…. Leather, canvas, lace-up, slip-on…. Sheesh – always fit.
Most days I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I have some body dysmorphia and a past filled with eating issues. Even today, I still struggle with eating in front of people, everything I put into my mouth in front of others seems vulgar – seems judgmental.
Shoes always fit.
I’ve never really enjoyed meals, I did not grow up having family dinner or sitting around a table having family time. My childhood was a rushed cascade of emotions watching someone travel downhill through emotional instability. I was an after-thought, a nuisance, a bother, an extra; I came second to her drinking. But why shoes, today?!?
Growing up I didn’t have the right size clothes or shoes and I knew better than to ask for them, my mom couldn’t afford them. I wore shoes that were too tight, clothes that were too big. I was a quiet, scared and very sheepish only child. As I got older, I could afford my own shoes – shoes!
Shoes, are a world of possibilities…. No matter how chubby you feel while getting dressed in the morning – or how chubby you think you look… Shoes always fit. Shoes can change you into feeling – really – however you want to feel that day.
Shoes are the completion of every outfit, the personality to my denim and dresses.
Why shoes?! Why today?!
Lately I’ve been feeling roley poley from the prednisone and Easter candy (from the basket James made me) – when I look in the mirror I see a chubby lil slug imposter in my clothes. Even the ickiest of moods can be changed with fun blue suede flats with decorated ankle straps.
Shoes are the silver lining to my morning. The AHA moment in shopping for clothes and hating the fitting room lighting. They are the confidence to eating out. They are my walk down memory lane.
Just like Rose said in, In Her Shoes – I get something out of them (shoes)! When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good… food just makes me fat… shoes always fit.
Shoes, put me first; they carry me wherever I choose to go and whoever I choose to be.