Hotel. Gyms. Suck!
They are weak! Full of cardio equipment and 1 run of DBs… with a sprinkle of some random things. My gym this week has a sprinkle of exercise balls, 1 yoga mat, some tumbling mats (??) (I have questions) and a jump rope. In the past this would have detoured me and I would have just taken another rest day, making excuses for why I couldn’t work out.
Today, I did not!
I made the equipment work for me. I used to be scared of doing this, not sure how to morph my workout to work with what was available. I owned those dumb-bells! With it I had a great workout, I left that lil gym feeling inspired, good about myself and awesome!
Lately, I have been adding new stuff to my workouts – working with a new trainer on TRX and body weight workouts, sprinkling in yoga, and increasing my cardio. Focusing on strengthening my joints and improving my mobility. Next Sat I am going to try aerial yoga!!
It occurred to me this weekend that I will probably never compete again. This used to be a sentiment that scared the shit out of me, but yesterday I embraced it; I owned it. I would compete, then immediately jump into training for my next completion; I was completely over trained. Competing every quarter. Competing used to be my normal, my life. I was terrified of what it would mean if I quit competing.
Getting sick, though devastating; helped me reevaluate my normal. I needed to be more than training, I needed to have more substance. I’m awesome! I was hiding behind my training because I was unhappy, nervous, scared to be a people.
I like fitness, I love working out; but I no longer need to compete to feel whole. I have an amazing home life, job and family that fulfills me. I came out from behind my singlet and re-met myself.
I talk so much about the bad things that came from my Lupus, but never the good. My diagnosis made me realign my goals and focus… I’m strong, and I can compete in MO and maybe nationally – but it’s not like I am going to be a professional at it. I’m never going to get paid for lifting heavy weight, or being on a stage, or sprinting; it’s a hobby.
My fitness is still a big part of my life, because it helps my Lupus. I train to be the healthiest me, I can be; but I’m no longer tied to the gym by an untearable tether. I get to lift with James, take rest days and not feel guilty, and try new things!
Fitness is great, lifting is amazing, but letting it own me made me miss out on life.