I’m not a warrior. I am not fearless. I am a people.

Warrior be definition is a person engaged or experienced in warfare; a person engaged in some struggle or conflict.

Urban dictionary describes a warrior as someone who is fearless.  A person who beyond all obstacles still manages to be successful – troubled in life but will persevere in the end.

The vocabulary dictionary links a warrior with being someone who fights the good fight – whether in politics, on the job or just as a weekend warrior (trying to accomplish multiple tasks during the off hours at home.

Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man.  We make ourselves into one or the other. – Carlos Castandeda

Even the 2011 movie, Warrior; depicts the finding redemption in the MMA ring.

Instagram is full of warriors, health warriors…


I fight for my health every day in ways most people don’t understand… I’m not lazy… I’m a warrior.

I love this quote, don’t get me wrong – but it has been plaguing my thoughts lately.  I had the pleasure of hanging out with a friend this weekend who also has a chronic disease.  We got to exchange “war stories” of the waiting for diagnosis and then the aftermath – the new beginning – the what you become after.  Side note to this, unless either of us was vocal about being sick – you’d never know.  We both still work full time, have social lives, play at the gym and fully live our lives.

Huge thank you to the friend that is going through so much, with so much grace; I hope you know how much listening to you this weekend inspired me. 

Does this make me a warrior?!

By definition, no.  By urban, maybe – but it’s a loose maybe to me – strictly based on the fact that I see so many people with my same ailments that are on disability and not living; and I am succeeding through the obstacles in life.  By vocabulary, no.

I am far from experienced in warfare.

I am far from fearless.

I am far from fighting the good fight.

I am a people.

The Insta-Warriors, the feel for me Spoonies and the I’m in pain but you wouldn’t understand people are what turn people like myself into warriors.  They spend their time posting about how hard life is, the next medical procedure they are going to be going through and the “how rough” everything is… to me this has always been a clean cut example of the “I need attention… sick pants people”.

These are the cry for help, explain my life in spoons so you get me people – these are the pity party everyday activists.

Every day, someone somewhere is going through something.  Every day, some of these people going through things do not broadcast it to the world.

I’m not a warrior.

I only look like a warrior because I have chosen to not let my chronic illness own me, define me and run my life.  I have pain, internal organ suffering, cardiac moments and I am sick more times than I am well; but I rarely share these times.  I don’t want to be known for my Lupus.

I want to be known for the awesome things I accomplish.  It’s sad that there is a such a small percentage of chronic sufferers that still look at the positive.  I don’t plaster my wall with feel sad for memes, side by sides of good days and bad or do I talk about how others have no idea of pain.

I’m proud of myself for going through what I do and coming through them stronger.  Focusing on the negative, the sick; just causes more stress on the body.  STRESS = FLARES!

Staying home sick, because of pain; is to me giving up and allowing it to own me!  Sure I have days where I don’t leave the house and watch Netflix all day, or nap in the afternoon because I’m exhausted, or visit millions of doctors in a day for a normal checkup…. But none of that defines me.  It’s just a sub part of who I am because of a crap disease that I have.

What defines me are my accomplishments.  I am a strong Lily – in the field – full of sun, love and life.  I am nature.  I am beautiful.

I am not a man-made spoon – with limited opportunities, in the dark, sad and alone.

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